THE REAL ONES

Life is funny sometimes. For example, why is it that those who are closest to us hurt us the most? Why does it need to be the person who I have known for 15 years? Why can it not be Liam from down the street? Another funny thing about life is that we refuse advice from those closest to us and pay greater heed to the words spoken from the mouth of someone whom we have never met. Funny.

---

We go through life with a handful of friends, the day ones, the real ones. Some drop off through the years, but you will find that the core always remains the same. I have had the same group of friends for close to 10 years. I have known most of them for over 18. That is just how it is sometimes. Those childhood friends either become those whom you grow old with or they become strangers by your 25th birthday. The point is this when we have a 'real one' or an incredibly close friend, we hold onto them for decades. That is why when they wrong us, it hurts, and it hurts deep.

---

Now here is the rub, how do we know who is a real one? This question is tricky, but we all know the answer; and that answer usually is: If they wrong me I axe them. The objective of this entry is to prevent anyone from wronging you or even coming close to it. Below are three things that will help you identify if someone in your life who you have labelled as a 'close friend' or a 'real one' is deserving of that lofty title. Run that person through the test below and let us see if they stand up to the questions.

---

Question 1.

When something amazing happens in your life, what is their response? Do they slap you on the back, do they lift you and hug you until you can not breathe? Do they scream and yell with joy? They probably do all the above with varying degrees of intensity, but read closely for the telltale signs of someone who does not want what is best for you. They tell you to be careful almost immediately after hearing the news, they warn you of the potential dangers. Those people rain on your parade without a seconds thought for how it might make you feel. This is not good. A caring and loyal friend will hug and kiss you and slap you on the back lovingly; a true friend will ride that high with you until you both calm down. Then, if there are any qualms on their end, they will bring them up at the appropriate time. That is a true friend.

---

Question 2.

How do they react when you tell them bad news? A person who celebrates terrible news or laughs at your genuine unhappiness is not a friend; we know this. Here are the more subtle ways that will allow you to identify a bad friend.

They immediately try and 'one-up' you after having listened to your story. That person's inability to process your negative news is because of their lack of emotional intelligence. Their EQ is so low that they are incapable of sitting within the moment with you and comforting you emotionally and then offering practical support to your dilemma. This is not someone whom you can rely on in your times of need because their self-centric character will get in the way of your friendship.

---

Question 3.

When you meet with this person, what is the main activity? This question is a callback to my mother's many conversations with me while I was growing up and coming home late. She would always ask me what I was doing and with whom I was spending my time. I love you, mama.

There are specific activities that if you do too much off, (say more than three times a week) then that person with whom you do them with is a negative influence on you, or you onto them. These specific activities are anything that damages your health. But we know this. If you are with one of your 'real ones' and you realise that you are both exactly where you were three years ago, mentally, physically, spiritually, financially, then there is a problem. If your 'real one' does not challenge you, then you are not challenging them. If you are in the same spot then either you need to dump your 'real ones', or they need to dump you. You need to be around people who love you and care for you and who at the same time want what is best for you. Ultimately, we need to grow throughout life, and friends are essential to this growth because they will either aid or hinder this growth. That is the final question, do those whom you consider your closest friends, aid or hinder your growth?

Master Yourself.